i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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