i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
