How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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