Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
