apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
