So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
