All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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