What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
