I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
