At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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