Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
