the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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