Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
