I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
