Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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