DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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