Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
babies were throwing up all over the place
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
