OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
