More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
