Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My pussy is not your playground.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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