it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
