I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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