i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
