I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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