obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
