If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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