i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
