people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
