am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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