After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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