My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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