Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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