Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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