I like my sex mixed with concussions.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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