I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
