i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
