A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
