Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
