And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
