your parents love me but you hate me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
pray to the hookup gods
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
