Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
