i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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