wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
