Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
