And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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