you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
