I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
