moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
