Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
