Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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