And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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