My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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