it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
