Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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