There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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