i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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