I wish I could punch you in the face.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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