i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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