would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
