I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
