I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize