You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
