Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
