I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
