"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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