just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
