If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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