Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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