He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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