please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
